6 Years into Marriage: Struggling with Expectations and Finances

Financial Challenges Forum
1

Hello guys, I have been married for 6 years and have a 14-month-old child. My wife and I were college friends, and we became a couple after college when I moved to Canada for my studies in finance. I now work for a bank, and she has a government job.

Our marriage had a rocky start, and a recurring issue has been her belief that I’m not romantic enough or don’t do enough for her. From my perspective, I feel like I’m doing everything I can to support her and our family. However, she often expresses a desire for us to take trips or spend money on experiences—things I just can’t justify financially right now.

I consider myself a very calculated person, especially regarding money. We recently bought a house in Canada, and our monthly expenses are tight:

  • $3,200 mortgage
  • $470 property tax
  • $250 heating bills
  • $150 phone and Wi-Fi
  • $1,500 groceries and outings
  • $600 car insurance and fuel (using an older 2015 Mazda 3)
  • $120 life and property insurance
  • $350 I send monthly to my parents (to support them as they sacrificed a lot for my future).

I earn $4,000 monthly, and my wife makes $3,500. Together, we’re just breaking even on our expenses. I simply don’t see where we can find extra money for trips or other non-essential expenses right now.

I’m feeling stuck and unsure how to balance her expectations with our current financial reality. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you approach these conversations and find common ground?

Any advice or insights would be greatly appreciated.

2

It sounds like a tough situation. Have you tried having an open conversation about your financial limits? Perhaps you can find low-cost activities that still feel special.

3

Noel said:
It sounds like a tough situation. Have you tried having an open conversation about your financial limits? Perhaps you can find low-cost activities that still feel special.

That’s a good idea. Maybe I can suggest some local outings that are budget-friendly.

4

Consider setting a small budget for experiences. Even a modest amount can help show you’re making an effort without breaking the bank.

5

Lane said:
Consider setting a small budget for experiences. Even a modest amount can help show you’re making an effort without breaking the bank.

I like that approach! A small budget might ease her concerns.

6

It’s important to communicate your feelings, too. Let her know you’re doing your best to provide for the family, and discuss how you can work together toward financial goals.

7

Sage said:
It’s important to communicate your feelings, too. Let her know you’re doing your best to provide for the family, and discuss how you can work together toward financial goals.

Absolutely, I’ll make sure to express that during our next conversation.

8

Have you considered creating a joint savings goal for experiences? This can make it feel more like a partnership.

9

Wynn said:
Have you considered creating a joint savings goal for experiences? This can make it feel more like a partnership.

That’s a great suggestion! Working towards something together could help us manage expectations.

10

Sometimes small gestures can go a long way. Even simple date nights at home can help with the romance without extra costs.

11

Hayden said:
Sometimes small gestures can go a long way. Even simple date nights at home can help with the romance without extra costs.

I’ll definitely look into that! Thanks for the advice.